Although I never played organized soccer (football to the euros), I’ve probably watched more soccer than any other sport. over the last 30 years. I must admit I still don’t understand much about it.
Only just now has enough time passed that I can post this long awaited piece on the World Cup 2010. Well, it’s really not exactly about the World Cup, it’s more about soccer (football) in general. How, you might ask, do I know that enough time has passed? Easy….I no longer can remember who won. Actually I did remember that the Netherlands was in the final match, but I couldn’t remember their opponent. You, of course, remember that it was Spain who won by the typical score of one to nothing or one nil if you prefer the British articulation. And that’s part of the story.
There are dramatically opposing positions on the relevance of an activity that is oft said to be a gentleman’s game played by a gang of hooligans. In fact, that’s exactly what it was at its beginnings. There’s strong evidence that men have been running around chasing a ball for at least a millenia in the far reaches of our planet. But it was in merry old England that the game was popularized and finally organized to something resembling what we see today.
King Edward III (1312-1377) banned soccer (football) in 1331 out of concern for the safety of his citizenry who had devolved the game into one of extreme violence and hooliganism. Can you believe that? Hooliganism in England. Go figure. Indeed, the annual Shrovetide Football game was a game of such violence that it offended the tender sensibilities of the young King. There were only two rules of the Shrovetide game: 1) the number of players is not limited, and 2) one can use any means to score. You see what I mean. I think the King had it right. One wag commented on his own rendition of the rules. “the rules of soccer are very simple….if it moves kick it, if it doesn’t move, kick it until it does:.
But the game survived, and finally our British cousins sought to make order out of chaos. Serious footballers led by representatives of Eton and Cambridge Colleges met in Freemason’s Tavern in London in 1863, and after more than a few pints, came up with the first “Laws of the Game” which were more or less designed to distinguish the game of soccer (football) from rugby (football). The resulting organization was designated to be the Football Association, and the name of the game was, and still is, Association Football. It’s interesting to note that while these first laws specifically outlawed “shin kicking and tripping”, it would be another six years before the laws were amended to preclude hand carrying of the ball. So much for tradition.
Ok. To this name thing. Even now, I’ve been disdained by those seeking to preserve the purity of the game when I’ve used the term soccer to refer to Association Football. I’ve had it. I’m not gonna put up with any more lip from those who think the know but really don’t. You see, the term soccer was coined by a upper class Brit who had a penchant for shortening and nicknaming everything he came in contact with. Sort of like, you know….Dubya. In any case, fearing that Association Football would never catch on he sought a more pithy term and he reduced As(soc)iation Football to, guess what, Soccer. He’s probably related to the chap that came up with Rugger for Rugby Football. Soccer, as a naming convention, never really caught on in England, but in America where we already had a pretty good game called football, we went along, and soccer it was. So there. Soccer and Football are both nicknames for the real name….Association Football. Interestingly Canada, New Zealand and Australia also use the nickname soccer. Hmmm? What do we have in common with them?
Association Football is now ruled by Federation Internationale de Football or FIFA which is headquarted in Zurich and managed by a chap named Shepp Blattner (a Swiss) who followed Joao Havelenge (a Brazilian). England has won the Cup only once… in 1966. Perhaps they should have stuck to the Shrovetide version of the game. Yes, I know that’s uncalled for tackiness. Football is more important to the Brits than anyone, except Brazil and Italy. Well maybe Spain and Portugal. And certainly Cameroon and Cote D”Ivoire.. I think Holland goes in as well. Well, as you can see Association Football is an important sport. In fact, FIFA has more member countries than any other single sport, and it’s hard to ignore the fact that an estimated 750,000,000 watched this years final match of the World Cup. But only a Brit would say, “some people believe football (soccer) to be a matter of life and death. I don’t agree. I can assure you it is much more important than that”.
I’ll close with a few of the many unanswered questions I still have about football (soccer).
1. Hands up in the air. Why, after every out of bounds or any other disputed call, does every player in the vicinity raise their hand and dance up and down. It’s as if they’re asking for a hall pass to go to the loo. Do they really think they are going to influence the judgement of the ref, who as we all know, is always right.
2. The Pitch. Why do they call it a pitch? A pitch, as we all in the US of A know, is something you throw from the pitchers mound….as in baseball. I guess a pitch could also be vernacular for a sales proposition as in “a sales pitch”. My pocket OED opines that a pitch refers to an area of land allocated to a trader in a market. But football pitch….I don’t get it.
3. The Laws of Soccer. Why not rules? Aren’t rules good enough. Every other game has rules, but not soccer/football. They have to have Laws. And even though there are only seventeen Laws it takes a publication of 148 pages (or 3.8 megabytes if you want the digital version) of tiny print to lay them out.
4. Offsides. There, I’ve said it. No one really knows what constitutes off sides, and if they do know what it is, they can’t explain it to anyone else. No one, least of all the refs on the field can possibly consistently rule when it has occurred. Let me tell you what the “Laws” have to say about the subject:
“The offside law limits the ability of the attacking players to receive the ball when closer to the opponents goal line than the ball itself, the second to last defending player (which can include the goal keeper) and the half-way line excepting goal kick, throw-ins, and corner kicks”
Huh! How many of the 750 million got that down.
So you see what I mean. I love the game, but I’ll never understand it.
