“Grandchildren are god’s reward for not having killed your own kids.”
anon
When S. and I were rewarded with our first grandchild, my first act was to go to Amazon to look for books that would tell me how to be a good grandparent or at least not screw it up too badly. I ordered six of them that have long since gathered dust on my bookshelves in my office at the farm. I glanced at them and may have even skimmed through the table of contents, only to quickly realize that whoever these books were written for, it wasn’t me. If there is a grandparenting skill that I could have taken lessons on, it would be titled, “How to tell your friends and neighbors that your grandchildren are beautiful/handsome, tremendously talented in the arts/athletics, and brilliant academically without becoming boorish”. I clearly need help in this discipline. And there was no such chapter in any of the books I bought.
It’s a well known fact that no one is ever ready to be a parent, but there is no reason that anyone should not be prepared to be a grandparent. After all, we should have had a good deal of practice on our own kids, and if we were any good at all, built up several layers of scar tissue in the process. I, for one, made almost every mistake that can be made, and my kids still turned out within a reasonable range of normality. This may have been more the result of benign neglect than active parenting, but I’ll still take it.
“A grandfather is a father with a second chance.”
Anon
I wasn’t around my own grandparents long enough to have many takeaways on how to do it right. My grandmother Fernandes, who seemed eternally ancient to me, always insisted I have oatmeal for breakfast notwithstanding the fact that I detested the stuff. My takeaway: let ‘em eat anything they want. My grandfather Williams taught me to chop up chili peppers in my food. He also scared the bejesus out of me when he caught me messing with his carpenter’s tool box. My takeaway: don’t feed chili peppers to little kids and if you don’t want them to play with your good things, hide them. The only thing I remember about my grandmother Williams was that she made spectacular sugar cookies and that putting one’s finger or toe under her rocking chair would lead to certain agony. My takeaway: Let grandmothers make the sugar cookies and avoid old women rocking at a high rate of speed. So you can see that my grandparenting models offered only limited insight on the role I should play.
“There is not grandfather who does not adore his grandson.”
Victor Hugo
I guess what I really like about grandparenting is that there aren’t any hard and fast rules. You can pretty much make it up as you go along. Assuming whatever role suites you and the grandkids. In my brief sojourn I’ve been a band aider of small wounds, coacher of batting stances, teller of stories, four wheeler/tractor driver, hot dog cooker, hiking companion, botanist of last resort, etomologist, photographer of record, book buyer, side line supporter, confidant of secrets large and small, hand holder, playmate, chess partner, object of good humored ridicule, hugger of small bodies, reader of Dr. Zuess, watcher of Roadrunner cartoons, bait hooker and fishing companion, and teller of tall tales. I’m sure there are more.
“Grandchildren are the dots that connect our lives from generation to generation.
Lois Wyse
At some meeting in my corporate past, someone thought it a good idea to have an expert on the psychology of aging speak to our small group. Nothing he said made any sense to me then, but now I can recollect him surprising us by telling us that the males in the room would become decidedly more feminine as we moved toward our dotage. Not that our physiology would change, which it clearly would, but that our view of life would become softer, more empathetic, in short, more feminine. I guess that’s so because I’m quick to a little wetness around my eyes and a lumpiness in my throat whenever I’m around one my my grandchildren for any length of time. There are certain actions on their part that brings my “softer side” to the surface every time.
* A small hand clutching my finger for safety and affection
* Outstretched arms and a smiling face yelling “POPS” as they run to me
* Climbing into my lap for a snuggle. No words needed.
* A couple of wigglers crawling into my morning bed
* The joy of anticipation as they beg, “please Pops, a four wheeler ride.”
* Hearing the words from any of them, “I love you, Pops”.
“With grandparents and grandchildren the relationships are simple. Grandparents are short on criticism and long on love”.
Anon
It’s been said that the two best times in a grandparent’s life are when you see them coming, and when you see them going, and in a not so literal way……it’s true. It’s true in that as a grandparent one only gets little snippets of their lives and generally only in the most positive of circumstances, and we can cherish every moment that they are with us knowing that they won’t be with us every moment. We can say yes far more often than no, knowing we won’t have to deal with the excesses. We can provide a place of safety and love without corresponding demands. We can teach or not without requiring discipline. We can focus only on their successes and achievements and never on shortcomings. I wish for every child a full set of grandparents to love and nurture them in ways that parents can’t know until they are grandparents themselves. I know that’s it’s possible to grow happily old without the benefit of grandchildren, but I can only say that my life is fuller, richer, less predictable, and more full of love than I could have imagined when climbing “young ambitions ladder”.
“If done properly grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust on the lives of little children.”
Anon
