A few months ago I went to see a much lauded orthopedic specialist about a nagging and growing pain in my ankle. I described it as a stabbing pain that came and went as if it had a mind of its own. After a bit of touchy feely about my foot and ankle and with reference to the x-rays just made, he pronounced it as being related to, maybe even caused by episodic Post Traumatic Bone Degeneration beginning long ago in my now misty past. What? Eh? Whaya mean, I asked, and by the way, what is causing it. After discussing treatment options (restorative surgery…no way), (custom orthotics…sounding better), or (watch and wait…not attractive due to increasing pain), I probed again because I had learned several times to avoid merely treating the symptoms, but to get at the root cause. He replied, with a shrug, that getting to the root cause was unlikely in that it was probably just one of those “age related” things. Well, he didn’t use those exact words. But you get the idea. BTW I’m now on my second custom orthotic and my ankle still hurts.

Over the next few weeks while waiting for my custom orthotic, I started to think of the number of times that I had heard a similar refrain from Docs of various persuasions.

I remembered a recent conversation with my gastroenterologist who was suggesting that I no longer needed to get the dreaded periodic colonoscopy. “What’s changed”, I asked? I’m just now getting used to drinking that goopy prep liquid. “Your age” she replied. “Our medical guidelines now say that for the over 80 demographic a periodic colon screening is no longer advised.” What she didn’t say was that the odds are that a slow growing colon cancer wouldn’t kill me before something else did. It’s Age Related don’t you see. Even the government knows.

I recently had, more or less, the same conversation with my urologist who was explaining the intricacies of the pathology report on the tissue removed from my prostate during a recent TURP (Transurethral Resection of the Prostate). He informed me what I already knew from the report…. that cancer cells were present in the tissue presented. He said the good news was that they evaluated the tissue as having the lowest Gleason Index and that I wasn’t going to die from prostate cancer. What he didn’t say was that was because of the slow growth nature of these cells, and my age. Something else would likely get me first. It’s Age Related for sure.

I could go on and on to describe other medical maladies that arise, almost purely, from the fact that my body is aging, and bits and pieces of it will, sooner or later, just wear out and stop working altogether. I guess I ought to be glad that I’m aging out of some of the distasteful things that are foist upon us to keep us from an early demise. I would like, however, for the Docs who are now a big part of my life, to lighten up a bit on the “it’s age related” phraseology, or at least let me know explicitly that there are some other benefits of living into my 9th decade.

While I’m at it, let me openly and publicly complain about another bit of medical terminology that we often encounter as we go through the two minute drill of life. Let me elaborate. I, like many men (and women) of my age, suffer from tingling, numbness and pain in our outer extremities. Most often feet and hands. The term used to describe this condition is neuropathy. I would urge you not to use this term on any on-line site, for you will forever after be deluged with multitudes of spurious treatments which promise to cure it immediately if not sooner. Unless you are diabetic or an alcoholic, which is pretty easy to nail down, Docs of all stripes have no earthly idea what causes Neuropathy, except for the two conditions mentioned above, or how to treat it. The term that has been assigned to explain this is “ideopathic” which translates to “we have no earthly idea what causes this nor does anyone know how to treat it so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t keep asking me about it.” I’ve been poked and prodded, had electrical currents injected by small, sharp objects, smothered in salves and unguents, foot and leg massaged, had my feet encased in tight fitting stockings and almost everything else except wearing spiked heels. Nothing works. It’s idiopathic. So Doc, if you, or medical science doesn’t know the basics of this disease don’t put us through a bunch of medical hoops just to say it the end, “we dunno, it’s ideopathic”.

I may have been a little hard on the Docs of my world in this piece, but I thank them collectively for keeping me going even if I don’t exactly know why or how.