The obituary is a literary form in which, sooner or later, each of us will be the main character. I don’t know about you, but I’d like for mine to be a hard cover best seller rather than pulp fiction
Those of you who know me well know that in the last several years I have developed what might be called a morbid interest in obituaries. Get it….morbid…..obituaries. Sure you did. But I have, and I’ve come by this interest honestly not morbidly. Let me tell you why.
Some time ago I was researching a piece that about military veterans of WWII. This research uncovered the fact that soon the last veteran will have died. As a result of that disconcerting bit of news, I started to look for obituaries of these veterans in the Dallas Morning News and the New York Times….the only two daily news publications that I can bear to read on a regular basis. Almost every day I found in the obituary pages of these papers stories of men and women who had lived in extraordinary times and done extraordinary things and then returned to live ordinary but productive lives. Men who stormed beaches at Anzio and returned home to start a dry goods store and send four kids to college. Men who flew too many B17 missions over Germany and came home to become a high school principal in middle America. Men and women who lived the horror of war for four years and became a member of the Rotary Club and taught sunday school for forty years.
It was on the foundation of this quixotic obituary research for WWII veterans, that I made a not so startling discovery. Obituaries are like art. There’s a lot of it, most of it is bad, but sometimes it’s very, very good, and all of it is interesting. According to my dear friend Mr. Google, there are 599,000 entries on obituaries accessible via the internet. So you can see I’m not the only one interested in the subject. A substantial majority of the entries have to do with how to write an obit in four or seven or twelve easy steps. It’s pretty clear, however, that the vast majority of people who write obituaries have never punched the search button much less taken a tutorial in obit writing before they engage in summing up a loved one’s life for all the world to see.
At the minimum, an obituary is a notice of death and subsequent arrangements for the funeral. At its best, it’s also an abbreviated story of a life, accurate and complete in a few well crafted paragraphs. It turns out that almost all obits that conform to the latter description are crafted by professionals in the trade. Indeed, many journalists remember fondly their time writing for the obituary page. Some have made a career of it, and almost all of them are members of…you guessed it…The Society of Professional Obituary Writers. Of course, they have an annual convention, probably in Las Vegas, and award to one of their own their annual award for best obituary of the year. Alas, I’ve tried with no avail to locate a compendium of past winning entries. More than one of this unusual tribe has also created their own web site. My current fav is www.deathbeat.com which is authored by Alana Baranick whose motto is: Writing About the Dead and Loving It. I’m not making this up.
As I’ve already said, a well written obit is a work of art. You will notice that the lead sentence in a professionally written obit always sums up the central accomplishment or characteristic of the deceased’s life. To wit:
“Harvey xxxxx, whose autobiographical comic book series American Splendor portrayed his un-glamorous life with bone-dry honesty and wit, was found dead at his home……”
This lead has it all. It’s attention grabbing, showing a talented, but unpretentious man who was successful in his chosen field. All in the first sentence. The obit went on to chronicle both his considerable successes and even some of his failures and cites colleagues on his talent and character. Who could expect more?
Compare this to the more typical obit written in a time of crisis by a grieving loved one or friend. To wit:
“Ruby Ann xxxx, 87, passed on into the arms of her Lord on Tuesday, August 15, 2009 at Smith’s Valley Senior Citizens Manor after a long and courageous battle with an unknown illness. She was born in Caruth, Minnesota and is survived by countless loved ones including seven children, twenty-four grandchildren, and forty-two great grandchildren. In lieu of flowers, please send money to the Caruth Ladies Benevolent Aid Society. All who know her agree that she was a lovely lady….”
I think we could have done better for Ruby Ann. I’m sure she deserved it, and I’m here to help. I’ve scoured the literature and have synthesized my findings into a few, easy to follow rules to insure that the Last Words you write will at least be well written if not well appreciated.
1. Do not, under any circumstances, include the phrases “died peacefully” or “after a long and courageous battle with…” any where in the obit, especially in the first paragraph.
2. It’s ok to say, “he died”. Other euphemisms such as “passed, passed on, passed away” cannot conceal the fact that we’re talking about the fact that someone died.
3. Skip the survived by stuff. Well, I guess it’s ok to say if they have a spouse surviving, but do not name every kid, grandkid, nephew/niece, aunt/uncle. Many obits have “survived by” sections as lengthy and about as interesting as the “begats” in Genesis.
4. You must say the cause of death. It’s part of the legacy. Do not leave us guessing. My favorite is, “xxxxx died after a losing battle with the kind of things that just make our bodies quit on us when we get on in years”. I can identify. If you don’t say, the reader will guess and almost always think the worst and get it wrong
5. It’s all right to use humor. Humor is an important part of life, and there’s no reason it shouldn’t be included in death. One clever obit informed us about the subject, “He was a daredevil all his life. His last words were WATCH THIS. He lived twice as long as he expected and four times longer than he deserved”. That humorous obit not only showed the character of the individual, but will bring smiles to all.
6. Be truthful. We have to live with politicians inflating their resumes, I guess, but we shouldn’t have to put up with kiting up one’s death. If they didn’t actually graduate from Harvard Cum Laude, some anal person will check on it and no one will be happy.
7. Be succinct. A long obit does not make a better person. You can do a pretty good job by finding the three truthful words that sum up the person’s life.
I’m sure there’s other advice you can fine amongst the 599,000 Google entries, but I’ll leave that to you for another day. For me, I’ve decided to leave nothing to chance and write my own obituary. Who knows what’s true and false about me better than me. I may have a little problem with that proscription on absolute truthfulness, but I’m sure I could do a great job. The trouble with this approach you see, is that I’m afraid I’ll leave something interesting out if I write it too soon, on the other hand if I wait too long……………
