Those of you who are weary road warriors know that travel is never easy and the unexpected is the rule. Cancelled flights, smelly seat mates, crying kids banging on your seat back are all part of the game. I have had the odd, pleasant travel surprise, but they are so few and far between that memory fades.
I hesitate to relate my own recent travel saga because I know that all of you will be able to “top that”, but I’m inclined to proceed if only because if I don’t tell the story, S. certainly will. I think I can paint myself a far more sympathetic character that she would be inclined to do.
Our air travel plan for this trip set up well. I quick trip to Houston, short layover, and non-stop business class on Qatar Air which was tipped to be one of the best of the emerging airlines. It looked good as we settled into our obviously new and well designed cocoon-like seats in a mostly full business class cabin. Our seating space had all the latest technology including a personal entertainment system that offered unending options, and that S. and I could both figure out how to work. The seat was something out of the NASA space program. It would move in ways that only a zero gravity space engineer could imagine. I counted at least 1427 different settings including one which laid the seat completely flat.
The other good thing about this flight was that it left at 8:00 pm. It was a fourteen hour flight, but if you took out one hour to get settled, two hours for eating and drinking, seven hours sleeping (with the aid of a little magic pill), that left only four hours idle time before arrival. Enough for a movie and a Kindle read.
And that’s exactly the way it worked, more or less. A large gin, an unusually good amuse bouche of bits of chicken with an asian sauce as a prelude to a fresh green salad, well cooked lamb chops, and a glass or two of very good vin rouge. One of the best airline meals in memory. I played with the seat controls for awhile, spread my sleeping pad, readied my pillow and blanket, but did not use the “sleeping suit” thoughtfully provided as did some of the more progressive passengers. Oops. I almost forgot the magic pill. I settled in with my Kindle and reading light only to fall in to a heavy, dream free sleep almost immediately. I awoke seven hours later craving a morning cup of coffee even though it wasn’t morning and summoned the flight attendant for assistance. While she was about her business, I straightened my all-purpose seat, folded the blanket and sleeping pad and thought to look for my Kindle. It wasn’t in sight. A further search led me to the small space between the seat and the console that separated my seat from Sandra’s. Using my fingers as tweezers, I tried to no avail to extract it. I maneuvered the seat controls to the point where I could see it better and began to force my hand into the small space. It was tight, very tight, and sharp metal plates pinched at my hand. In spite of the space age functionality of the seat, it was, after all, an electro-mechanical device with interconnected moving parts. I fine tuned the seat position with the controls to the point where I was pretty sure that, with a little more umph, I could get my fingers around the Kindle.
Voila. It worked. I squeezed my fingers on the Kindle and started to withdraw. It became immediately clear that my hand and the Kindle couldn’t be withdrawn through the small opening at the same time. Figuring my hand to be worth more than the Kindle, I let go of the Kindle and tried again to withdraw my hand. No luck. The more pressure I exerted, the tighter the grip of the dastardly seat mechanism on my hand. The flight attendant returned with my coffee which by now was pretty far down the list on things I wanted. By this time, I was on my knees beside the seat struggling to maintain my composure if not my dignity. The flight attendant seemed alarmed, but had no earthly idea what to do. I asked her to find a flashlight, and she scurried away. Now S. was awake and had sized up the situation. She started to laugh, but a snarl from me nipped that. She offered suggestions, all of which I had already tried. Other passengers started to stir and noticed my predicament. They, thankfully, kept quiet. In fact, it seemed they were trying to ignore me and my dilemma much as you would avert your eyes from a man who had a heart attack in public.
I decided that drastic action was the order of the moment and determined to try brute force. I would only hurt a little while. I forced my hand about an inch at the expense of a deep gouge in my skin which I knew was seeping blood. Now I was officially concerned. I started to run through my options and they weren’t good.
1. Stay where I was with my hand deep in the bowels of the seat and kneeling in the aisle. As you can see this was not a good option for a number of reasons that I won’t bother to go in to.
2. Send a message to the pilot that we needed to make an emergency landing. Also not a great option in that I knew we were nearing Iran and Iraq, and if I had my druthers, I’d druther not be in either of those places.
3. Try to maneuver the seat mechanism to create more space for my hand to be released. I momentarily favored this option until I determined that I might cut my hand off in the process. I was persuaded to abandon this idea.
4. My penultimate option was to grit my teeth and give it a tug. Hell, the thing went in there, it was bound to come out if I pulled hard enough.
At this moment the flight attendant showed up to inform me that there was no flashlight on board. What! A Boeing 777-200 LR with all the latest flying gizmos, and no flashlight. Someone would hear about this….. if I only could untangle myself from this high tech seat.
I took a deep breath, tried to relax, closed my eyes, and voila…..my hand came out as easily as it went in. I dunno how, and I didn’t care. I was free. I still didn’t have my Kindle, but that was a small price to pay. I did have several gouges and one small gash on my hand and wrist, but, again, a small price to pay. I don’t know who was happier…me, S. or the flight attendant.
PS. Just before landing I reached under my seat to retrieve my shoes and there it was, my Kindle, laying on the floor.
